Yes, Virginia, There Is A Festivus.

Who knew it would happen like this but there it was looming on the calendar December 23rd. And those who are in the know know this is not a day to trifle with as we hurry home past last minute shoppers and drunken office workers, Festivus is upon us.

So what was supposed to be just another Friday night dinner at home, suddenly quickly changed as Vince showed up. We joked about the holiday a bit but this is no laughing matter.

Before we could escape it, Festivus kicked in.

Little did we know that the meal I had blindly prepared for this evening was eerily in line with the Festivus traditional of serving nothing that resembled a holiday meal. Only comfort food is allowed. So out with the Turkey, Duck or Ham and in with the hearty Italian sausage tomato cream sauce served over an equally meaty pasta with horse milk cheese.

Next was the Airing of Grievances. It would be unfair to reveal the true nature of the many comments shouted back and forth at each guest during this practice but lets just say they were very direct and in the spirit of "I've got a lot of problems with you people!" tradition.

My personal favorite part of the holiday event was the Feats of Strength. I was knocked out of the running right at the git go as I lost an arm wrestling match in the blink of an eye to Vince. But it was fun watching Vince and Michael battle it out over who would be triumphant.

Even Madison got in the game. At one point I thought she was going to either bite or hump the players who were battling it out on our game board of a living room rug. Either act by Madison would have been in the spirit of this game since Festivus is not over until the head of the household is wrestled and "pinned" to the floor. Madison was just trying to make sure we all knew she rules the roost.

Oh, you ask, "What about the no frills aluminum pole?"

Yes, Virginia, there was a pole but it never materialized properly since it held up our sparkling Christmas tree.

And just when I thought I would forever be spotlighted on the center stage of clumsiness, a Festivus Miracle appeared. Michael, the purveyor of perfection, knocked a purple glass MOMA Christmas bulb to the floor shattering it into a thousand glittering silver pieces.

The Liberation of the Aluminum Pole Has Begun!

Happy Festivus 2005.

Further reading on Festivus