High Hopes On The Middle

If one was looking for witty insights from this blogger then one may fare better to hit "Next" button on this screen and move on.

However, if one is looking for what it feels like to spend the first two days of the new year in bed, then look no further I am your man.

When I take a sick day I am sick. I hate it when folks take a sick day and then you hear about how they got all this stuff done around the house. Not in my case, I spent the past two days trying to fight off a bad cold and in between battles I downed hot fluids, Vernors and many hours of sleep. Again, it is great to be home but when you are really sick you really get nothign done but a lot of thinking.

So while in bed at the infancy of 2006 I start to think it is strange that we line up these New Year's resolutions right at the height of our decadence. It is about a crazy as a heroin user saying I am going to go cold turkey tomorrow buy tonight let watch me shoot up until my veins explode. I think you see my point that it just isn’t right to be making resolutions as you head out the door to violate them.

This year I kept it simple. No longer will I say I will conquer my world with images/wit or even the low items like holding the door more often and being nicer to kitties. Today I aimed for the middle - my midsection.

Recent studies show that the midsection of the male anatomy can be the cause of the most trouble. Recent views of me departing the shower have me racing for a towel...a big one.

With a bulging midsection means one is forever going through their wardrobe looking for pair of slacks that not only hide one's gut but will actually fasten after zipping up the jewels.

But the quest for a thinner me is more than just fashion. In a men's health magazine they reported that the opposite sex finds a guy with a STD rated higheer in attractiveness than a guy with a gut. I guess a burning crotch is better to some woman than having their picture taken with a teddy bear of a man.

The scariest part is that what we jokingly refer to our guts as a life preserver when in fact they are actually an anchor of fat directly linked to many life threatening diseases.

So as I look up from the bed sheets where I have spent the past two days being sick, thinking way too much, I know my first steps will be back to the gym. By keeping things simple, I am aiming for the middle and shooting for the stars.

If I fail, I can always get an STD and look fabulous!