As you can guess, not all is "right" in the Allen house today.And since most know that today is Super Bowl Sunday, I am alarmed at the dangerous lifestyle choices some have made and will continue to make today. And for many they are not even aware of these lifestyle choice missteps that could cost one their life and their afterlife as well.
I could not believe it myself but as I was surfing the web someone made a point of informing me that being Gay is wrong. They went on to explain that it wasn't their rule but the rule of the Bible, so "don't hate me." I was informed I should change my ways or risk eternal damnation.
Having grown up in a Christian home, a Christian Church, and attended many Christian Schools with only Christian friends, I believed I was well versed in all things Christian. Since the word Christ is the root of the word so was the idea that all things are built on Christ who liberated us from the Old Testament laws.
Up until today I would just let these types of comments roll off my back. But given the current hysterical state of the country and the rapid rolling back of even simple rights for gays in America, I felt the need to revisit the passage to see what I was missing....and everyone else was talking about.
So I went to the Leviticus 18:22 passage and re-read it. And yes, in my modern translation was the God given text that has been handed down from one man’s hand to another to another to another through no less than a gazillion translations. Who was I to argue with this religious hand-me-down?
But as I read on I became very alarmed at what I was seeing and felt compelled to share with my friends who were about to engage in activities today that could damn their mortal soul.
As men today we will face a morning ritual of shaving and trimming our beard and hairline area. What you will not see today when the new Gillette five blade shaver is revealed during a much hyped Super Bowl commercial is that the Bible states in Leviticus 19:27, "Ye shall not shave the corners of your head round, neither shalt thou mutilate the corners of thy beard."
I wonder if this new shaver will come with a warning label so I do risk cutting my face and potentially cut me off from the glorious afterlife as well because the lubricating strips slide me into a rounded cut? And to think up until today I thought shaving’s only risk was blood. I am just glad they are silent on manscaping down below or a whole lot of those I see at the gym would really be in for heavenly trouble.
Are you thinking of that tailgate spread today? Then one should be very careful when approaching the snack table. In Leviticus 11:10, “And all that have not fins nor scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living animal which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination to you.”
Wow. When I read this breaking Biblical old school news, I am thinking we are not too far off from seeing a bumper sticker campaign of “Mayo + Clams Does Not Equal Dip.” I am sure the folks who brought us those cute red bumpers of "One Man + One Man Does Not Equal Marriage" are already preparing to ship these clam dip saviors now that their previous bummpers have helped Gay Marriage become banned in Michigan. The clam shell even has Hell in it's name.
If one backs up to Leviticus 11:7-8 they will read, "The pig, because he has a split hoof, and is cloven-footed, but doesn't chew the cud, he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you." One can clearly see the huge problem with the very center object of today’s game - the football. Unlike the materials used to create a baseball or basketball, the football is even commonly referred to by its outside wrapping - Pigskin.
Wow, talk about flaunting one's lifestyle in public!
And if that is not enough to make one quiver, think about the blatant act of hosting this event on a Sunday. Traditional this is the day Christians hold as God's day off. (And so should you.)
Well, how long do you think "The Big He" in the sky will look the other way as Super Bowl XL employs hundreds of folks from the players to the $12. beer vendor? B y working today one risks God's lightening bolt strike as he stares down from his great big lazyboy armchair in the sky.
Why? Because in Exodus 35:2 the most damning results wait for those who work today, "Six days shall work be done; but on the seventh day there shall be to you a holy day, a Sabbath of solemn rest to Jehovah: whosoever doeth any work therein shall be put to death."
So as one goes about their Super Bowl plans just know they are not God's plans. Don't hate me for spoiling the clam dip but I did not write the rules. I am just handing them down ...you know, like Moses.
But one should not focus on the negative here since you have been given the good news. I know I sure feel comforted to look out for my fellow humans who have always looked out for me as they made decisions in my best interest...even banning gay marriage.
What we are finally learning as we wade through intelligent designer bumper stickers of hate is we have no choice in these Biblical matters. If Gays have to go, then so does Football, the clam dip and the Sunday labor. You cannot serve two masters in a divided house. We must protect this house...and this house is heavenly.
So in the spirit of making sure we all can gather at the pearly gates, I just need folks to be aware that when one comes tossing out lines about Gays being wrong in the eyes of the Bible, they should have a good laugh at the selective intelligence of the messenger. You see, that same Bible they use as a weapon to fag bash all the time will come back around to bite then in the eternal damnation ass.
You don't believe me? Simply, use this link to see that many of those bashing gays are caring a Bible made of what else.... Pigskin.
Happy Super Bowl Sunday!
(God is watching us from a distance….beware of lightening bolts.)
To read the Bible Online, visit the Online Parallel Bible
Here's an interesting book to buy at your local bookstore or online, Misquoting Jesus : The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why
7 comments:
i always knew there was some reason why i shied away from superbowl festivities. it had nothing to do, i suppose, with the heavy concentration of competitive testosterone, or the large amounts of alcohol consumed, only to turn into potentially violent rage when one's chosen team loses. now i know it was because of the clam dip, the pigskin, and the fear of god's wrath. after all, i'm also a big queer girl who just happens to have no interest in football whatsoever. i wonder what god will be doing at half time?
Funny you should mention it since God loves the Half Time Show and really enjoyed seeing his favorite Jackson in all her beauty as few season's ago.
He is silent on the Rolling Stones.
I'm just praying that the commercials are good....
Very funny Tommy
Fr: tim
To: tAllen
Re: Bible, SuperBowl, translation
I've always wondered how the Hebrew picked up the ye's and thou's. Linguists claim that meaning is always lossed and gained in translations. I'm still wondering how they proved the writings were inspired by God, is there some kinda Godometer u test the writings/translations w/? I don't eat much meat, but shunning the pig due to the cloven (devil) foot, nothing irrational there. I had a nun as a kid that had a cloven foot. I heard 2 that Wilson Sports outsourced the making of the pigskin off shore to China and 4 cheaper costs they make it out of egg roll now. But stuffed w/ pork fried rice of course.
Now the sanctions on the water creatures, that's good since Christ's apostles were mostly fishermen and the evangelical push comes from his dictum to go forth and b fisherman Italian style.
Nothing angers me more than a person that simply lacks the courage, or possibly the intelligence, to form their own opinions and to articulate those choices, therefore using the bible to make their argument for them. This is a societal red flag that screams “I am a soulless sheep”.
And in light of your revisit to the “good book” and the many reasons we are all going to hell, I also find it completely hilarious that these are the same people that sit down to a nice Easter Sunday dinner of baked HAM.
I am often saddened by the issues of gay/lesbian rights. I chose to live in a place where I, being heterosexual, am literally the minority. There is a reason I live here... gay people are real people. Simply put - and I don’t mean to stereo-type by the term “they” - they know who they are and how they got there, and are not afraid of the journey that is life.
I simply am not capable of understanding why it is anyone’s business to tell anyone who they can and can not marry. And if these bozos want to play the bible card, isn’t this a violation of the separation of church and state? Why is it ok in some states for a man to have multiple wives just in case one doesn’t cut the mustard? But Jane can’t marry Jane because a book written in a time where people spoke so strangely that one may now interpret a passage to mean “please don’t eat pig” another may interpret as “please dine only with pigs”... As well as who wrote this stuff...its thousands of years old.... why does everyone just take their word for it? And who the hell are “they”.... Where does this stuff come from, why isn’t it ever questioned?
I guess the only satisfaction I get out of the issue, is that their opposition really does highlight ignorance. Their minds are small, black and white, and incapable of adapting as society progresses and civilization evolves. When you think about what they are opposing, in comparison to the arguments presented, it’s quit clear their tiny minds are underdeveloped. What are the stereo-typical babblings of these right-wing sheep when they rant and rave about the gay community? Promiscuity, sexually transmitted disease, and unstable environment or poor examples for children. Those are the concrete 3 reasons regurgitated most often.
So let’s take a look.....
Marriage promotes stability and monogamy, taking care of the first two. It is a proven statistic that children from a two parent household perform better in school and are less likely to serve time in a penitentiary. Now let’s take this one a step farther, and point out how a gay/lesbian couple can’t get “knocked up” and therefore when parenting a child, have made a conscious decision and dedicated serious time, effort, and financial expense into becoming parents.
I have to stop now or I may go physically abuse a republican… I feel a hate crime coming on…..
But please take solace in this my friend... survival of the fittest is scientifically proven. People, like any other animal, must adapt or die. What is her point you ask? The gay and gay-friendly will inherit the earth. And if that’s too much for you, I will simply quote the gospel according to Billy Joel, and state “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.....the sinners have much more fun”
Did you forward that epistle to Michael Moore?
I just Love you so much, Tommy.
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