Brooklyn Is Coming To Grand Rapids!

Over the next few days Grand Rapids will see a new neighbor appear on the barscape - Brooklyn Beer.

While walking the streets of downtown Grand Rapids (No Jokes Please), I stumbled upon an old friend being held up for all to see by another old friend, Keith Klopic of West Side Beer.

Years ago I met Keith while striving to write comedy 5 days a week at 5:30 AM for WLAV's Morning Show with Denny Schaffer. It was just an internship but it was exciting to work on my improv skills even at such an unfunny time period for most others.

One early morning during the glory days of Pulaski Days when one could have more than one beer and legally drive an automobile back home, Keith and his gang hauled up a keg of beer to the radio station booth. This act really helped kicked off the Polish holiday day festivities at 6 AM and to this kid fresh out of college it was a dream come true.

Beer for breakfast...AND FREE!

Since that time I have had many jobs without breakfast beers on the company time and even more personal weight gains often blamed on beer (and never the 10 pound deluxe nachos with cheese). Beer comes and goes in one’s life but today I was having a moment of nostalgia with Keith as we rapidly caught up to the present moment.

But here was Keith holding up my other long lost friend 0 Brooklyn Beer.

Some folks may say they left their heart in San Francisco but for me there is only one love and I "Heart" New York.

Interesting design point I found out with Keith is that Milton Glaser the graphic artist who brought us the great I "Heart" New York t-shirt design is also the same artist who designed the Brooklyn Beer logo.

As one visits our local favorite watering holes or corner markets, be sure to ask for Brooklyn Beer. Many of the brews that Brooklyn has created will begin to appear throughout the city in the weeks to come.

Pop one (or two) open. And drink responsibly….that means no Miller products - Forgetaboutit! (My buddy Keith would approve.)

Enjoy!

To see the entire collection of beers, visit Brooklyn Beer

Help Wanted: Grand Rapids Food Taster for Ann Coulter.

The other day the Grand Rapids Press did a good thing. They printed my good friend's letter about the venomous Ann Coulter and her impending visit to GR. Most of us just groan when we hear her name used in the same line as our city.

But Dave did something about it. He connected the dots and wrote one of the best letters I have ever seen printed in any newspaper. So today I reprint it here for all to enjoy.

The following was published in The Grand Rapids Press, 2/7/06.

I salute Kent County Republicans for inviting Ann Coulter to speak at their annual Lincoln Day Dinner. Ms. Coulter clearly shares the values of area Republicans. Not to mention her wonderful sense of humor. Just last month, Ms. Coulter joked:
"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in (U.S. Supreme Court) Justice Stevens' creme brulee." She added: "That's a joke, for you in the media."

Now some spoilsports might not see the humor in calling for the murder of government officials. And they might think it's in bad taste to have a speaker who thinks assassination is funny, appearing at an event that supposedly honors the memory of President Lincoln. But it's witticisms like the above that will undoubtedly have the Republican faithful rolling in the aisles.

Local Republican Carol Van Andel has this to say about Ms. Coulter; "...she stands up for what she believes and she doesn't mince any words." (" 'Edgy' speaker brings fire to local event," Press, Jan. 14). That's obviously true. In 2002, Ms. Coulter stated:

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

Now a lesser person, one more prone to mincing words, might have regretted that Mr. McVeigh was able to vaporize an entire building. Or maybe shed a tear for all those who lost loved ones in a horrific terrorist attack. Not Ms. Coulter.

She has no regret that the attack happened. Ms Coulter's only regret is that it happened to the wrong people, in the wrong city.

In this post-9/11 era, Ms. Coulter is one of the few people brave enough to take a principled stand in favor of detonating truck bombs in New York City. You'd be hard pressed to find a better embodiment of the modern-day Republican Party than Ann Coulter.

DAVID La BOTZ /Grand Rapids

Tommy continues....

Since I am all about protest and being creative in such endevours, if Ann can make such statments directed at the Supreme Court, then I have no problem calling on my fellow citizens to stand on the sidewalks just outside the Amway Grand Plaza service entrance with signs encouraging workers to mess with her meal and in attendance.

Given her track record of making outlandish comments about one group or another, I am sure she has given up the idea of ever eating in public again. If the media picks up just one image of a person with a "Mess With Their Happy Meal" sign, neither will any of those attending this high priced event be happy.

After all she has ruined Justice Steven's freedom to eat out on the town so why not spoil her dining experience as well. This is the party of "an eye for an eye" and what is wrong with a little spit in the bisque. It will be the shot heard around the kitchen. And when the death of dining is written up in the herstory books, they will all blame Ann Coulter.

It is times like these I am proud to be an American, and even prouder when the party of Life invites such a high profile well paid assassin to bless their patrotic event. Praise Jesus, pass the arsenic!

And to those who are feeling the hunger pangs of this massive overseas outsourcing, the new economy of Coulter has opened the employment door with the return of the food taster from the good old days of Kings and Emperors. Warning: if seeking this line of work, be sure to inquire about their health plan benefits.

So in the spirit of Lincoln, I say let's join in the patriotic fun with some good old fashioned lip service. Those with a cold can move to the head off the line.

(Disclaimer: Tommy does not condone the actual behavior of ruining a lovely creamy bisque which can take a chef hours to prepare. I think we as Americans should be free to express our opinions in a civilized fashion and also pursue the fine art of dining without wondering if Ann Couter has entered the kitchen back door with rat poison in hand. I am sure Ann is a fine up-standing person who is really just using her forked tongue to sell comedy....like me but without the millions in the bank. No idiot would really take what either of us seriously, right? I just wonder while at the bookstore I can never find any of her books under humor.)

Mom, I found a Roller Girl! (Can I keep her?)

Ready or not here come the Grand Raggidy Roller Girls!

Last weekend was the big fundraiser for these gals and boy...er...girl, did they put out. The room pressed in close as the Grand Rapids team took the floor in a mini-exhibition round of what the whole fuss is about.

Jackie Daniels is a personal fav but I must admit given my 70's sensitivity Mary Tyler Gore was a strong second.

Be sure to get the skinny on the Roller Girl's upcoming schedule and let's roll.

Link: Grand Raggidy Roller Girls Website

Picture: Tommy in a lock hold with smokin' hot Jackie Daniels.

Super Bowl Fun House Party

Welcome to Coopersville - the site of the Super Bowl XL Party. I really loved the many signs like this one that line the streets. They are so welcoming and are in sync with how open I try to be with my blog.


Since this is an annual all girl event I am just glad to be able to attend. When I entered the house, one woman yelled, "Did you bring the Clam Dip?"

Vic's bottle service could teach New York bars a thing or two about how to provide this feature with real style. You should see how the cap comes off!



Mick has old lady flapping skin under his arms. But if you were dancing around as much as Mick did tonight for an 18 minute mutlimillion set of tired old tunes, then who really cares about grandma skin?


At the end it was time for former roommate werstling and since Shannon and I were the only former roomates in the room we hit the floor. Instead of "Unlce" we had to cry the "I don't know how to quit you" line from Brokeback.

Breaking News: The Bible Comes Out About Gay Super Bowl Clam Dip On Sunday

As you can guess, not all is "right" in the Allen house today.

And since most know that today is Super Bowl Sunday, I am alarmed at the dangerous lifestyle choices some have made and will continue to make today. And for many they are not even aware of these lifestyle choice missteps that could cost one their life and their afterlife as well.

I could not believe it myself but as I was surfing the web someone made a point of informing me that being Gay is wrong. They went on to explain that it wasn't their rule but the rule of the Bible, so "don't hate me." I was informed I should change my ways or risk eternal damnation.

Having grown up in a Christian home, a Christian Church, and attended many Christian Schools with only Christian friends, I believed I was well versed in all things Christian. Since the word Christ is the root of the word so was the idea that all things are built on Christ who liberated us from the Old Testament laws.

Up until today I would just let these types of comments roll off my back. But given the current hysterical state of the country and the rapid rolling back of even simple rights for gays in America, I felt the need to revisit the passage to see what I was missing....and everyone else was talking about.

So I went to the Leviticus 18:22 passage and re-read it. And yes, in my modern translation was the God given text that has been handed down from one man’s hand to another to another to another through no less than a gazillion translations. Who was I to argue with this religious hand-me-down?

But as I read on I became very alarmed at what I was seeing and felt compelled to share with my friends who were about to engage in activities today that could damn their mortal soul.

As men today we will face a morning ritual of shaving and trimming our beard and hairline area. What you will not see today when the new Gillette five blade shaver is revealed during a much hyped Super Bowl commercial is that the Bible states in Leviticus 19:27, "Ye shall not shave the corners of your head round, neither shalt thou mutilate the corners of thy beard."

I wonder if this new shaver will come with a warning label so I do risk cutting my face and potentially cut me off from the glorious afterlife as well because the lubricating strips slide me into a rounded cut? And to think up until today I thought shaving’s only risk was blood. I am just glad they are silent on manscaping down below or a whole lot of those I see at the gym would really be in for heavenly trouble.

Are you thinking of that tailgate spread today? Then one should be very careful when approaching the snack table. In Leviticus 11:10, “And all that have not fins nor scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living animal which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination to you.”

Wow. When I read this breaking Biblical old school news, I am thinking we are not too far off from seeing a bumper sticker campaign of “Mayo + Clams Does Not Equal Dip.” I am sure the folks who brought us those cute red bumpers of "One Man + One Man Does Not Equal Marriage" are already preparing to ship these clam dip saviors now that their previous bummpers have helped Gay Marriage become banned in Michigan. The clam shell even has Hell in it's name.

If one backs up to Leviticus 11:7-8 they will read, "The pig, because he has a split hoof, and is cloven-footed, but doesn't chew the cud, he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you." One can clearly see the huge problem with the very center object of today’s game - the football. Unlike the materials used to create a baseball or basketball, the football is even commonly referred to by its outside wrapping - Pigskin.

Wow, talk about flaunting one's lifestyle in public!

And if that is not enough to make one quiver, think about the blatant act of hosting this event on a Sunday. Traditional this is the day Christians hold as God's day off. (And so should you.)

Well, how long do you think "The Big He" in the sky will look the other way as Super Bowl XL employs hundreds of folks from the players to the $12. beer vendor? B y working today one risks God's lightening bolt strike as he stares down from his great big lazyboy armchair in the sky.

Why? Because in Exodus 35:2 the most damning results wait for those who work today, "Six days shall work be done; but on the seventh day there shall be to you a holy day, a Sabbath of solemn rest to Jehovah: whosoever doeth any work therein shall be put to death."

So as one goes about their Super Bowl plans just know they are not God's plans. Don't hate me for spoiling the clam dip but I did not write the rules. I am just handing them down ...you know, like Moses.

But one should not focus on the negative here since you have been given the good news. I know I sure feel comforted to look out for my fellow humans who have always looked out for me as they made decisions in my best interest...even banning gay marriage.

What we are finally learning as we wade through intelligent designer bumper stickers of hate is we have no choice in these Biblical matters. If Gays have to go, then so does Football, the clam dip and the Sunday labor. You cannot serve two masters in a divided house. We must protect this house...and this house is heavenly.

So in the spirit of making sure we all can gather at the pearly gates, I just need folks to be aware that when one comes tossing out lines about Gays being wrong in the eyes of the Bible, they should have a good laugh at the selective intelligence of the messenger. You see, that same Bible they use as a weapon to fag bash all the time will come back around to bite then in the eternal damnation ass.

You don't believe me? Simply, use this link to see that many of those bashing gays are caring a Bible made of what else.... Pigskin.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!
(God is watching us from a distance….beware of lightening bolts.)

To read the Bible Online, visit the Online Parallel Bible
Here's an interesting book to buy at your local bookstore or online, Misquoting Jesus : The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why